Staying in Love
I’ve been married to the same man for more than a quarter of a century. I like to say it that way because it sounds like a longer time than more than twenty-five years. LOL We married in our teens, and have beat the odds. Not only are we still together, we still like each other!
So, how do we stay in love?
We make our relationship a priority. We work together. We are frequently in the midst of one household project or another and we garden. We heat with wood in the winter, so we go out and get the wood, then I split it and he stacks it. (I like splitting it…my arms look better now than they did when I was in my teens! LOL)
But we don’t just work. We geek date.
What’s a geek date, you ask?
Well, anything that makes my kids roll their eyes when I say we had a ‘date’ pretty much qualifies. LOL We walk the dogs together every evening. We grocery shop at Wegmans most weekends together. Now, this might not seem like a big date, but if you’ve ever been to a Wegmans, you get it. They’re a fun grocery store, with tons of new things to try. Coffee. Bagels. Oh, yeah, it’s a great date!
We also antique. I have a lovely collection of Halls China and have recently started collecting stoneware. But the biggest glee has been furnishing our formal living room with antiques. And since we’re out antiquing together, each item comes with a story. For instance, the beautiful Ethan Allen corner cupboard was one of my dh’s best haggles…ten dollars. Not only is it pristine, but it looks as if it was built for the corner.
Over the summer, we did some special outings as well. One of the coolest was spending a day on the Brig Niagara…Erie’s reproduction of the Perry’s ship on the Battle of Lake Erie.
Okay, does any of that constitute a magic recipe for a happily-ever-after? No. Would it work for other couples? Maybe not. I guess my point is, to create a happily-ever-after your own. Find your own inner-geek dates. Something that the two of you can do together. More importantly, something you can enjoy together.
I don’t think that a happy marriage is because of big things. I think it’s more of the little things. Walking the dogs, shopping at Wegmans, an outing on the Brig Niagara… It’s finding what things work for both of you!
Holly Jacobs
So what are some things that help you stay in love? Share your responses below and be entered to win a book from Holly!
About the author
More than a million and a half copies of Holly Jacobs’ books have sold worldwide. Her category romances have made Walden’s Bestseller List and won numerous awards such as the National Readers’ Choice Award, Holt Medallion, Bookseller’s Best, Golden Quill, Golden Leaf, More than Magic and Madcap Awards. She’s won two of Romantic Times’ Reviewers’ Choice Awards and also won their prestigious Career Achievement Award for Series Love and Laughter. She’s presented more than forty workshops across the U.S. on a variety of writing related subjects from writing romantic comedy to time management. Both subjects frequently come into play in her non-writing life. You see, Holly’s married to a police captain and together they’ve had four children.
Visit Holly online
http://www.myspace.com/authorhollyjacobs
http://www.new.facebook.com/authorhollyjacobs?ref=profile
http://community.eharlequin.com/most-recent-blogpost/1185
About the books – click covers to purchase
Life happens…and then life really happens!
Teacher Eli Cartwright has it all figured out—the career, the reliable boyfriend and the next few dependable decades. But life has quite a sense of humor, it seems, since her perfectly ordered existence has been completely upended. Because now Eli is counseling pregnant teens—with an unplanned pregnancy of her own!
So Eli is single, terrified…and exuberant. And her colleague, Zac Keller, has never been more attracted to her. But can he convince Eli that life sometimes offers more than one unexpected gift at a time?
9 Months Later: It’s not what they’re expecting
********************************************************************
For years, Nana Vancy Bashalde Salo believed that she’d cursed her own family to bad weddings. Now that the curse is broken, she’s bored. Her best friends, the ‘Silver Bells,’ convince her to try her hand at matchmaking. And Nana has just the person in mind, Salo Construction’s new office manager, Eve Allen.
Eve is coming out of a bad relationship and longs for a little quiet and order. That’s definitely not in the cards with Nana Vancy around. And it’s even less possible when Nana tries to hook her up with TC Potter, a boy who broke her heart in kindergarten when he told her there was no Santa, and then broke it again in 9th grade when he stood her up for a dance. Eve’s heart still healing from her last bad relationship, she doesn’t need it broken by TC for a third time.
Freelance writer, TC Potter makes his living by writing articles about Every American Man. His life was pretty much perfect until he was named one of America’s most eligible bachelors last year. He’s spent the last twelve month hiding out from women who’d like to de-bachelor him. Now he’s finally met someone he’d really like to date, but Eve’s not interested. But maybe with a Hungarian grandmother’s help, and a little Christmas magic, he can convince her that they have something too special to ignore?
Rejoin the Salo family in Everything But a Christmas Eve and discover if Nana Vancy really does have some Hungarian magic!
And speaking of geek dates…we just got back from an antique show! We bought a book on the history of Erie. And yes, my daughter rolled her eyes, but hey, we had fun!!
Holly
I love to live vicariously through your adventures…
You are so right about the little things. It is shared memories as much as being willing to experience new things together. For us, it was the realization, due to health issues, that life is short. Falling in love may be a chemical thing but staying in love is a choice!
I have always said that romance novels, like yours, remind me how blessed I am to have my own hero.
Peace, Julie
Jayne, My adventures are rather small, but they gave me a lot of glee!! Glad you enjoy hearing about them. My kids just roll their eyes! LOL
Julie, Oh, I love ‘falling in love may be a chemical thnig, but staying in love is a choice.’ That’s a beautiful sentiment! Sorry for whatever illness has struck, but glad you still enjoy the little things!
Holly
Shared interests are critical to sustaining a relationship. Ours are RV adventures and grandchildren.
Hi Holly,
I enjoyed your blog.
My husband and I have been happily married just two months shy of thirty-four years. Like you, our relationship is a priority. In our early years, we didn’t have a lot of money, so we engaged in little things such as picnics in the mountains, walks, and just enjoying each other. Now that our lives are more financially secure, we engage in little things such as picnics in the mountains, walks, and just enjoying each other! I believe laughter on a daily basis is a must, plus never letting a day go by without saying I love and appreciate you.
Thank you for allowing me to babble. I hope you have an amazing weekend.
Debbie
After meeting and knowing each other only 3 weeks, Jeff and I were married . It will be 27 years in December. Three kids and one grandchild (!) later, we are still happy. We do grocery shopping etc… together too.
His job is one that takes him out of town a lot. Since we have never really been “anywhere”, I go visit him on his out of town jobs so we can explore new places together.
In the past 3 years, we’ve seen Nashville, TN., Jamestown, KY., Kansas City, KS and Kansas City MO areas, El Paso TX, Omaha, NE. Next journey – New Orleans!
Our favorite was probably Kentucky – it is so beautiful there. The most interesting would be Atchison, KS – the most haunted city in Kansas!
Lots of stories and memories.
I should add that he was working close to home until our youngest graduated high school (this is a great company he works for), then sent him out of town, so we haven’t always had a long distance relationship. It was hard being away from him at first. Now I realize I get so much more done around the house – leaving him his honey-do lists for his weekends home and I am more glad to see him. (More glad? That dosent seem gramatically correct) =)
And now with our granddaughter (she’s only 3 days old!) its going to get even better.
Evelyn, We share a lot of interests, too! And I soooo want grandkids to spoil someday!! Even though we do most things together, we’re both happy doing our own things as well. He loves sports…me not so much! And I do my book stuff…him not so much!
Debbie, That wasn’t babble…it was delightful!! One of our favorite almost-annual trips is to Cooks Forest State Park for picnics and hiking!
April, I’m off to TN in just a few more weeks. That’s the perk to traveling for my writing, I get to see other places! So cool that you get to do that with your dh! And I understood more glad just fine!! LOL Oh, and a three day old grandbaby…sooo nice!!
Holly
Shared adventures and communication work for us.
Estella, I’m glad!
Holly
Holly,
I didn’t realize you two were married in your teens. You really have beaten the odds, but I have to say that it’s not just a fluke. Obviously, you both cared enough about each other and your relationship to invest time and care into “tending” it, which makes all the difference.
Some of my friends poke a little good-natured fun at my DH and me. They tell me we’re joined at the hip because, when he isn’t working, we basically do everything together. Right this moment, even though my laptop is upstairs and his desktop is downstairs, we’re doing our computer thing “together”. I don’t do Girls Nights Out (except under extraordinary circumstances, like when someone is moving away), and he doesn’t do guy things with other guys. He goes to wedding showers and baby showers with me, and I helped him build the shed that I got him for Father’s Day (ugh!) That, too, wouldn’t work for everyone. Some couples need a bit more space, but this arrangement has worked for us for 22 years this coming December. He even invests a good bit of his time making life easier for my dad, who has advanced Alzheimers and prostate cancer that has spread to his bones, and going with me to help care for him.
So, I agree that you have to spend time nurturing your relationship in whatever way works for you. Congratulations on your success, and I hope that, when the time is right, you have some of those grandbabies to play with.
April, I was so pleased to hear that you enjoyed Kentucky, as a lifetime resident of the Bluegrass State. Funny thing, though, is that I didn’t even know we had a Jamestown! And my DH is from Kansas City (best barbecue in the world!).
Very cute blog. I’ve only been married a tenth of century (nah that one doesn’t work
but I do agree with you, spending time with your DH is the best way to keep the love going.
I love your “geek date” comment. SOmetime DH and I love to have tv marathons. While the kids are in bed, we watch 5 or 6 episodes of a particular show and eat take-out on the couch… love those dates
I wish I had a story to tell about how to stay in love. IF I was in love I hope he and are best friends and we can be who we are around each other without being critical of the other.
JV, Yes, we married in out teens…that’s one of the reasons I’ve volunteered with our local teen parenting group for years, and why Unexpected Gifts–which features a secondary character who’s a teen parent, as well as the heroine, her teacher–is so special to me! I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Hugs. That’s so hard. I took care of my grandmother for years, and she had dementia. It’s hard to watch someone you love lose themselves. More hugs! Your dh is a special guy! I’m glad you’re joined at the hips!
Emmanuelle, I like 1/10th of a century!! It gives those ten years some umph! LOL And my dh and I love watching shows together, too! We Netflixed Big Love, and he keeps asking when I get a sister wife! LOL I did point out that while men might have more than one wife, you rarely if ever hear about a woman having more than one husband! LOL I love mine to distraction, but can’t imagine having two! LOL
Marcie, I hope when you fall in love you marry your best friend! When my daughter was having man troubles we watched Crossing Delancy. Now, Amy Irving’s character drove me a bit batty, but I loved the hero. I told her when she found a guy, she wanted a ‘pickle man.’ And her bf now is just that and then some!
Holly
WOW, I have more books to add to my to buy list.
Thanks so much, Toni!!
Holly
Holly, I love this and I think your Geek Dates are great! Thank you for brightening my morning.
My husband and I have been married for 12 years (we most definitely didn’t marry in our teens), but as his job takes him away for about 6 months out of the year, I guess we’ve really only been married 6. With him away so much, and me lost in my own little fictional worlds, we have to make an effort to spend time with each other, even if it’s just lying on the couch watching a movie. Even if I’m crazy-stressed or we’ve been grumbling about all the normal daily hiccups, a couple of hours together always reminds me why I fell in love with him.
But what really gets me is seeing him and our son together…I fall more deeply in love with him every time.
Thanks, Holly…here’s to another quarter of a century!
Julie x
Julie,
I love that just being with your dh when your stressed makes it better and reminds you why you love him! I so get that!! My dh went to program that took him away from home for four months….while we were in the midst of renovating a new house…and I was under contract! It was a lot, but just talking to him at night made it all seem okay. But being with him in person is a much better fix! LOL I’m glad you and your dh have found a way to make his absences work for you…and hey, every time he comes home it can be like a honeymoon all over again!
Oh, and speaking of geek dates…we’re on our way to Wegmans this morning, then to a fall-fest! Yep, geek dating all over the place!
Holly
Can’t really add anything since I’m single, but I have to say I like what you do Holly. Makes sense to me to do ordinary things together because it may seem little, but the key part is you’re spending it together.
Nicole, I hope when you find your other half, he’s your best friend, and spending time with him doing the must mundane things seems special!!
Holly
First love essentials from Maureen now tips on how to stay in love means more note taking for me. I enjoyed reading your story, Holly.
Thanks, Claritta! I’m lucky to be married to my best friend!
Holly
Holly – we just had our 14th anniversary. I am so with you on grossing out the kids. Last night before dinner the dh and I danced in my office. We were accompanied by Michael Buble and a bunch of eeeeews coming from the kitchen.
As far as geek dating…we go for coffee. Or watch movies together. Or basically do anything we can to bug each other – in the fun way. Let me tell you, I think laughter is a prime ingredient in a lot of successful marriages. I know the day we stop laughing, we’re in trouble!
Oh, Donna, you and your dh dancing in the office…that’s a sweet mental image! And I’m with you…laughter is a key ingredient to our relationship, too!
Holly